el pinché sistema

Your life should be a fucking fairytale,

He said. 

It was 2 o'clock in the morning. He was stumbling drunk on the beach with a beer in his hand, underneath those gorgeous Nicaraguan stars, kicking softly at the sand beneath his feet. Those dirty feet, bloody and cracked from dancing with me on broken glass barefoot all night at the bar in our little town. He wore nothing but boardshorts and his own sweat. Waves lapped at my numb ankles as I listened, quiet. Barely nineteen and full of that naive youthful exuberance, I giggled at first.. before realizing he was about to say something of value.

And if it's not, you're doing something wrong.

He said.

We manifest our own reality.

Breed our own karma. 

Create our own sad problems and derive our own beautiful solutions.

We chose our own families and decide how much, or how little we really care.

You have your whole fucking life ahead of you Madeline. Those decisions you make everyday, those seemingly small choices you laugh about? Better choose them wisely.

I don't know. Our lives are just comprised of these inconsequential decisions we make everyday, compiled and compounded to create our own little cosmic existence. Waves in our sea. Each movement flowing into someone else's wave and manipulating their course.

Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll jump on that bus that comes through town every afternoon. The one we watch while drinking at Costaños. Takes people out and brings new ones in, just like I watched the day you arrived. I'll leave this Neverland and keep moving, maybe to Spain. Morocco. I'd even go back to Australia. I haven't been home in four years. Thats the reality of this game Mads, nothing is permanent. 

Oh shit. Don't cry. Are you crying?

Don't get too emotional about it love.. its all unfolding how it's meant to.

I wiped away the few tears that had escaped my blue eyes, embarrassed. I faked a smile and started laughing like I had not a care in the world. I hated how right he was. And I hated that I was falling for this person I had just met ten days before. In a country where I felt more myself than I ever had. And I didn't want it to end, not yet.

I had a boyfriend back home I was no longer in love with. A waitressing job that I hated. I knew it was just a distraction from facing my art. It was the obvious path of least resistance. I would be returning to school in a week and the thought of my life back home made me feel like I could puke any second.

There is no replacement for intentionality. He said.

Don't be a victim of your life,

He said.

The system in place loves to make you think you're a victim. To feel sorry for yourself, your situation. 

Don't. Thats letting them win.

Fuck the System.

Your life should be your most valued art piece.